Mismatched.

Have you ever felt alone? Or you simply feel the need to be constantly around people? Well, I do.

It has been some time since I’ve been alone. Maybe my fear of being alone compelled me to get into relationships I don’t really want to commit or even simply; just for my own psychotic form of entertainment. Well, the story must start somewhere so… long story short, “It’s better to hurt people than to get hurt”. You’ll understand that after you “fall in love” a couple of serious times. Yes, it’s selfish but it’s true. It will always feel better to be receiving end rather than the giving end and this can get over your head sometimes. But after a few relationships which were…remotely successful, you kind of get the hang of it. Simply put, a failed relationship isn’t something to be upset about, I’d like to think that after each one, you get to know yourself a little better and know what kind of personality in a guy suits you more. Maybe I’m a little aloof but there are some traits in a guy, you must absolutely have. At least from my own past experience.

Maturity In Conversations

I’d like to think that a partner should be someone you can hold an conversation easily. Conversations may not necessarily be always intellectual but at please, give me a neutral judgement instead of always concocting judgements in the opposite argument. I’m questioning a perspective, not asking for an argument that concern your ego, so please, be mature about it. Maybe I can be blunt and direct sometimes but do know that my conversations are not trying to hurt you in any sort of “emotional” way but simply just platonic scenarios I make up in my head.

My Parents’ Fondness Is A Privilege, Not Your Leverage Over Me

I’d like to think my parents’ fondness for you doesn’t mean you can always use it as a leverage over me. I already have a mum and a dad, I do not need another one. If you think my parents have passed down some sort of responsibility to you to look after me, well that’s not up to you to decide. Yes, I can be rash and make mistakes that I regret afterward but that’s my call to make and I will take up those responsibilities, so please know that that’s just not up to you to decide. If you are looking for someone to control and be your puppet then by all means, look for some other girl who suits you better. I don’t need you to “change me for the better”, I’d like myself just the way I am and if you are unhappy about it, then you can always…(: Some lines can’t be crossed and this is one of them.

Sensitivity

Truth to be told, I wasn’t brought up in a perfect family and every family has its own set of problems. Whether it’s my dark past or unhappy childhood moments, do know that the reason I shared it with you was because I trusted you. Since I decided to share my past with you, in no sense mean that you can use that to provoke me and shame in some warped sort of way. No, not even if it was just “a spur of the moment” during any argument. If you can’t be sensitive about the information I told you and decide it to use it against me, well…babe you are wayyy out of line.

Freedom

Personally, I felt that in a relationship, all that matters is just the two parties involved. My prior experience has taught me otherwise, that others also matter. The ability to allow you other half to “have a life” I’d say. Friends are important milestones in your life and during a relationship, even more so. Finding a balance is key to a successful relationship I suppose. Can we be real for a second?

I personally prefer to hang out with guys instead of girls and that seems to be a problem eh? Well, I can’t ask you to trust me because I guess I’ll never trust anyone. We found the problem here eh? Oh wells.

Cold Hard Truth

The truth is, everyone will hurt you and well…it’s up to you to continue hurting others or be a saint in this bad bad world. And those people that tell you that time will tell for relationships, well that’s a lie. Time will never make a difference if certain foundations in the relationship are never there. Maybe you think you are in love with him but it might be just his company that you like. The concept of being in love dulls over time and sometimes I just feel I need someone to do stuff I feel like doing just because doing it alone would seem a little…pointless and dull.

There are some good points to but that’s another story for another time.