You know you’re either getting old or your memory is getting really bad when you start reminiscing the good o’ times. Specifically, college times. I have no idea how college went by, it was simply just a breeze I suppose. The second year in JC was probably the best year of my life there.
My memory seems to be failing me but honestly some some bitter sweet memories during JC2 that I really miss. The girls. The class. The You.
Looking back, JC2 was packed with mugging sessions with Yunxiu and Weeseng and even towards the last part, I was still mugging with Clement and Wanrong. Like how we were complaining about the streaming systems for subjects and how we always failed no matter how hard we tried to study for the subject. Fuck chemistry really. It’s your favourite subject and my worst nightmare. Oh lord.
Those lorry rides home are the best. Maybe it was because of you.
Back then, we mugged together and I kinda missed those lorry rides back home on YX dad’s lorry. That was the best. Something about mugging so hard and at the end of the day, we have a hearty chat about day. Jk we are too stressed to chat, most of the time, we were talking about grades wtf. Time somehow passed really fast during those lorry rides home.
Your perseverance to send me home almost everyday, was astounding really. That’s what I really liked about you.
The You I remembered always waited for me to finish mugging in school and pretended to mugging in school as well. You wanted to accompany me home but we all know you don’t study well in school. You preferred to study at home alone. Well, that’s cause you’re really smart, at least that’s what I told myself. But you never failed to come up with some stupid excuse to wait for me so we could go home together. That’s some dedication right there.
Getting teased by your friends about me. I think you secretly enjoyed it.
It was always awkward when I saw you around in school. Honestly, it’s just me. Getting teased at for being with you or seeing you get teased by your friends about me; spells some kind of dread for me. I secretly think you enjoy it though or at least I remember you feeling some sort of glee over it. I cannot comprehend but well, that’s JC mates for you.
You always seem to put me as your priority, even though you don’t express it. Maybe cause it’s “unmanly ” to do so.
One time, during our Chemistry results release, I got a “U” and I honestly didn’t study much for it. But nevertheless, I wanted to cry so bad. I walked out of the LT discreetly and wanted to make my way home. Somehow you noticed and quietly followed me to the bus-stop and sent me home too. That was sort of a wake up call for me to start studying harder for the A’s.
As cliche as it sounds, during my darkest times in A’s, I probably couldn’t have pulled though without your support and encouragement.
You wanted to help me in my studies, that I’m grateful for.Even though you cannot study around people, you relented when I asked you to study with me at my house. Despite everything, I’m glad we made it though A’s together. I honestly think, I couldn’t have done it without your help. I was so stressed, I nearly burnt midnight oil everyday as A’s approached. Mama literally begged me to go to sleep, yes, it’s true.
After you enlisted, you changed. I changed too.
Getting too emotionally attached to someone does that to you I suppose. I couldn’t change fast enough to adapt to you. Maybe that when it all went wrong. Nobody is at fault but, I’d like to think that those times in Jc and pre-enlistment, that’s the us that I miss. That phase. That genuity that can never be recovered.
Truth is, both of us knew it wouldn’t last.
But somehow in that moment in time, the story in our minds was skewed towards a happy ending which will never happen. This toxic relationship was bound to end sooner or later. You knew it would happen eventually but I refused to accept that fact as I grew too emotionally attached. I blame myself for leaving you in your toughest time but it wasn’t an easy decision for me either; I couldn’t handle the emotional trauma and you probably ran out of patience too. After everything, I still wish you all the best.
And sometimes I still do. I still miss us, the us that we once were.
theniecextn. 
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