The Pokemon Theory

Have you ever looked at someone in a situation you were in years ago and think…wow that’s a Charmander right there. You being the Charizard of course.

Not long ago, you were in his shoes, crying over a heartbreak, thinking it was the end of the world and well…just wanting to disappear from the face of earth really. You thought he was “the one”. You built your world around him only to come to realize that it was just a dream. It hurts. You cried a little way too much and spent way too much time thinking of committing suicide. Your world crumpled and watching those weepy Korean dramas didn’t help either. You loved him but slowly it turned into hatred. It even came to a point you never want to see him ever again. Deep inside, you know you still miss him, then. But hey, it’s okay. You moved on from there, picked yourself up and move on. You evolved.

The next relationship didn’t hurt as much surprisingly, maybe because you learnt to put your feelings first and made sure you never got hurt again like before. Even though he was the second one and it ended, you learnt once again and moved on. You tried to understand what went wrong in that relationship and made a mental note to yourself what-not-to-do in your next relationship. You also remembered his humor, his weird antics, his good side and secretly wished the next one will be someone like him. Without you even realizing it, you are slowly building expectations of what the next one should or should not be like. But most of all, after that relationship, you evolved. You evolved from a Charmander into a Charmeleon.

Being in relationships is almost like playing Pokemon, you gain experience and eventually you will evolve into a stronger and better Pokemon, supposedly.

Although in this game, you can evolve multiple times, there’s almost no limit to your evolutions. But the catch is- you may or may not be improving as a lover or even as an individual. Some relationships are toxic, they change you for the worse, it’s up to perspective really. But at the end of every relationship, you learn and you change. That’s all that really matters. Nobody is perfect and we should always learn from our mistakes, whether the mistake was made by you or the other party, both are partly at fault. As long as we change for the better, I’d say it was mistake well-made.

In the future relationship you get into, the next guy might be similar to the first one but he will never be the same as the last ones.

The perfectionist in me always hopes that he could embody all the good traits and cast away the bad ones but it will almost, never happen. You see, the more relationships you get into, you’ll come to realize that perhaps the ideal half doesn’t really exist. We know he doesn’t exist but sometimes we force ourselves to think that way or even cast unnecessary expectations on him to be “the one”. I’m no stranger to such acts and it seems that most of the time, this idealistic approach will backfire and eventually cast a shadow in the relationship.  It’s almost like taking an exam, before you meet the person, the bars are set way too high before he can even attempt. Maybe these false expectations may ruin your relationship eventually but is it wrong to protect yourself from mistakes that you once made?

In relationships, no matter how much experience you have accumulated, it is a new level playing field when each relationship starts.

Maybe when we stop setting expectations, then we can truly not be disappointed. But who wants to get hurt? Can you fault them for protecting their feelings then?

Disclaimer: However, it it is a two-party initiative, where he is willing to change for you, the story may be told a little differently. That is, if he is willing to change. Maybe you should change too. Maybe.