It’s ok.

It’s been awhile.

Been dwelling on the topic of friends today and thought I wanted to pen it down. I must say I’m pretty bad at keeping friends; not because I’m a bad friend but it’s really difficult for me to keep them in my life.

It dawned on me that some people are just meant to be there in that moment.

We could be friends, close friends even in secondary school but it only matters then, in that moment. But as we slowly proceed with our own paths in life, there is barely anything in common or relevant for us to keep up with each other. I lack compassion for a lot of stuff and mostly such aimless conversations bore me; thus my lack of enthusiasm to “reconnect” and “relieve” old times. Honestly, I don’t have friends. Do you get what I mean?

Seems almost very sad but it’s the truth.

You can cross oceans for your “friend” but they barely cross a bridge for you.

And that’s pretty much why I think having friends is…very redundant. Maybe some day, I’ll meet people I can call my true friend but I highly doubt so. Maybe living with yourself is a better option.

A loner lives within me and that is not a bad thing.

If anything happens, at least I know I should fcking help myself instead of waiting for others to help me. I guess that the moral of the story is that you can have a lot of friends and yet you know, you are alone. That irony. Tbh I make friends easily but the reason why I’m having self-doubt is because “what’s the point, really?”. They can’t wait to see you fail, they congratulate you when you succeed, they got a high paying job, they etc etc but honestly who gives a fck? at least I don’t. Have good life though, if that helps.

At the end of the day, I guess you need to realize that it’s okay not to have friends.

But it’s not okay if you give up on yourself. Cause no matter how good your “friend’s” life is…if you don’t something about yours, well you are doomed. Learn to live with yourself and you will do fine. It can’t get any worse, really.