Time’s Up.

It always seems easier to have someone there for you, to accompany you for movies, to play games with you and even (in my case), travel with you.

The lure of having company whilst doing these activities sealed the fate of our one-sided relationship. Maybe at some point, the feelings were mutual but slowly over time, it became apparent that I just simply wanted company. The romance was optional. But you didn’t mind. You went ahead with it anyway. We enjoyed each other’s company and it’s about time we moved on with our lives. We are vastly different individuals and there are others that are better suited for each of us.

I’m tired.

After some time, we seemed to be that couple everyone is envious about, travelling together, having fun and loving each other. But no matter how happy we looked in front of the camera, I guess feelings can’t be faked and I’m sick of pretending. I’m done chasing the likes cause it’s a “couple” photo and we “looked cute together”. Why do I need to even care about what they think? They are not me and they have no idea how I’m feeling and yet I still do it anyway. I’m tired of keeping up this act up. It’s almost like, the sweeter the photo, the emptier I feel. The obsession with likes and numbers went out of hand and soon it’s almost like I’m acting, faking a reality that isn’t true…to myself at least.

We aren’t perfect individuals and I hate accommodating anyone for that matter. Heck, so many instances I wanted to walk away but I just kept giving second chances anyway. Deep inside, I guess I actually wanted to make this work so I continued to give second, third and fourth chances. But when does this stop? Do I continue and give chances hoping that someday you will be the person that I want to be with? Will that day ever come? How many more chances do I have to give?

Throughout this relationship, we tested each other’s limits and patience, crossed certain lines we weren’t supposed to and hurt each other more than once. Maybe I should continue to pretend that everything is smooth between us and keep up this lie that we were weaving to ourselves and others. But the truth is, this lie that we were weaving is slowly consuming me and as time passes, it became apparent that I wasn’t happy at all. Why should we keep pretending to be something or someone we are not? I guess eventually it creep back to you, the facade.

We tend to clash when conflicts arise and the solution winds up being the same. You apologizing and fixing it with gifts and flowers. But hey, the problem is still there and yet again and again we brush them off and pretend they don’t exist. Material gifts can only do so much to resolve the problem, the root of the problem remains…unsolved. I wished we were more mature about it and instead being all “it’s my fault” all the time, we could have talked it out instead of simply ignoring and forgetting about it.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how many more free passes I have to give and yet I continue play along every single time a conflict arises.   As we continue to avoid the problem, time continues to pass…and I think it’s tiring for both of us to continue this charade. Avoiding, Running away. Slowly over time, I don’t see myself being with you in future. I suppose no matter how well you treat someone, it still doesn’t mean the relationship will always work out. I can’t turn a blind eye to every problem and pretend it’s not there. I just can’t. Eventually, if I had to decide whether I can live with this person for the rest of my life, the answer is no.

If you have to change yourself to keep somebody around, I suppose you are better off without them.

We know for a fact that no matter how much you attempt to change yourself, you will still be the same. Deep inside, you will still have the same insecurities, the same immaturity and the same personality. The same problems and conflicts would arise and the cycle continues. I don’t think you should change for me, in fact, be yourself. There’s no need to change if the right person for you comes along; She could be more submissive, more conservative, more understanding but that’s just not me. I hope that you can be true to yourself and stop changing or lying to yourself for that matter. This isn’t who you are. Somewhere, someone else out there would suit you better, this way you don’t have to change at all. If you have to change yourself to keep somebody around, I suppose you are better off without them. So don’t.

Time will tell.

I don’t think time tells anything. In fact, if it told me anything, it has shown me how insignificant time is in relationships. I don’t need 10 years to realise I don’t want this relationship; Once you get to know someone fully(hopefully not 10 years), I guess you can decide yourself whether this could work out or not. I’m not a perfect person either but if the day ever comes and I had to settle for one person, I’d much rather choose someone I can live with and not simply settle and accommodate his glaring flaws just because “I ignored them before” or even because everyone else thinks “we’re cute together”. Fuck that.

Time’s Up.

I could continue being in denial and drag this relationship further but I would just be wasting our time because I know for a fact that this will never work out. I’m done living a lie and I think it would be the best for both of us to go our separate ways and find people who are better suited for ourselves. The past two years has been nothing but an amazing journey that I would never forget and I’d like to thank you for that. Hopefully, you will find someone better; who loves you as much as you love her, who doesn’t take you for granted. You once said that lovers can never be friends after a break up. If we can’t be friends, so be it. Two years is a very long time to be taken for granted and I understand if we can’t be friends afterwards. I wish you nothing but the best and for everything that you’ve been to me, Thank You.