Roller Coaster Rides.

In all honesty, 2018 has been a roller coaster ride of sorts. It was a year that I was constantly full of self-doubt.

“Will I be able to graduate?” My grades don’t exactly give me a vote of confidence (I did not even want to attend my own graduation ceremony that’s how bad it is)

“Will I survive my New Zealand road trip”

“Will I actually find a job”

But I guess what they say is true. Worries will only stay as worries unless you act on it.

So yes. I did it. I completed 16 years of education with a Bachelor’s in Business. No honors in that haha but well, what’s done is done. I did however, go on a road trip in New Zealand for a month of which I skydived for the first time in my life. My mum seriously questioned my life decisions when I decided to skydive but hey that’s just what mothers do. Miraculously, I actually found a job at a legit firm so not too shabby for a crappy SMU kid. So in short, I became an adult. Yes, I can’t believe it either.

I’m still not too sure what I want in life but I’m moving forward I suppose. Everyone seems to anyway. I can’t exactly say I love my job but it’s tolerable. I’m surviving. I still can’t decide which do I hate more- work or school. Oh wait. Its definitely work. But I need the money so there’s that. Don’t get me wrong, my work place is full of friendly people but it also has its fair share of bitches as well. And trust me, they ain’t the nicest people to work for but hey, still gonna put a smile on my face to work cause #adulting.

*Backstory: Someone complimented me for adjusting the volume when the video was playing during the company conference. In that exact moment, I’ve never felt so worthless in my life. Thanks stranger/boss, you are absolutely welcome.*

Some part of me feels like I’m a little overqualified for this job so that’s something to ponder about in this upcoming year.

Tbh I don’t believe in new year resolutions and I still don’t but if I had to have one, I think my resolution this year is to be a better version of myself. Some sort of self reflection I suppose. I think there’s a lot of areas of improvement for me as person. As much as I hate to admit. This is a chance for me to perhaps grow up a little as much as I don’t want to. For once I’m learning how to tolerate people at my workplace so…baby steps.

Maybe it’s just entering the work force but admittedly I got pretty lazy this year. Innately, I’m not this kind of person so it saddens me a little that I’m becoming such a person. I seriously need to do something about it. Read more. Write more. Exercise more. Be a better person. Better girlfriend. Better friend. Better sister. And a better daughter. Not employee though, fuck that. I guess most importantly, be happy. Stop living my life for others and live my own life for once. If its meant to be, it will be.

Maybe if I’m lucky, I might find my direction in life. But hey, I surprise myself everyday so here’s to hoping this year will be a better year.

Love,

D.x