The One.

Do you believe somewhere out there in the world, there is the one for you? Honestly, I’d like to think that there is no such thing as The One.

There’re only decisions you make.

One could simply go on the street and randomly choose someone to be their partner and honestly there is a medium to high possibility the relationship would turn out fine if that individual has made up their mind to stay with that person through all odds no matter how bad this person is. You could even marry that person for that matter. Mankind has a history of women accepting their fates so if one party in the relationship is giving in, that pretty much sums up a ‘perfect marriage’.

This brings me to the saying that goes “Love is blind” is not entirely true.

“Love makes you choose to be blind”

You choose to be blind to his flaws. You choose to be blind to his aggression. You choose to be blind to his ugly. Not that it’s a rational thing to do but love hasn’t been known for its rational decisions anyway. So, no matter what a piece of crap your partner is, you choose to only see the good even if outsiders disagree. So many people continue destructive and abusive relationships just because they choose to stick by their piece of crap partner. This is not something an outsider is allowed to judge (cause Asians believe in not airing their dirty laundry and whatnot). I do admire people who persevere and try to make these kinds of relationships work.

But the fact is, some relationships aren’t meant to work.

For some people, in the midst of trying to work these relationships out, they eventually start to lose themselves or even their self-worth. This can be detrimental to their mental psyche in the long run, but it happens. I suppose it is an Asian thing (or human thing?) to stick by their partners not matter how bad they are due to their strong sense of commitment (maybe a bit of ego at work too) and responsibility to finish and follow through the decisions they have made.

Or perhaps, they hope that these people will change in the future. But honestly, there will only be change if the person has willed himself to do so. You can go pray to gods to hope that they change for the better but if these people do not want to change for the better, no god can help you with that. Hope drives people to do insane things sometimes.

Some people have a strong sense of commitment.

Not that it’s not a good value to have but personally I’m a fan of watching the world burn so I condone such dynamics in a relationship or marriage for that matter. If you’d ask me what I would have done if I was in such a position, I’d firmly say leave that person be it whether you are in a relationship or marriage. Not that I don’t think marriage should be taken seriously but there are certain boundaries that should never be crossed whether you’re in a relationship or marriage.

I’d think it’s better to stop choosing to be blind and start packing cause if you think you deserve better. You probably do.

Not many people understand that though. It might a bit more difficult to leave if there are children involved in this equation, but I don’t think I’ll be doing myself or even my kids any justice by staying with someone who doesn’t deserve it. Yes, I shouldn’t deny the child a chance of having a family but we wouldn’t have to make such a cruel decision in the first place if you never had kids eh?

Fact: Nobody is perfect.

Everyone has flaws. As much as you hate to admit it, even you have flaws. But in every relationship, you should decide for yourself the boundaries which should never be crossed and hopefully their flaws doesn’t challenge these boundaries. Personally, I’d figure aggression and violence are some of the basic boundaries that one should never cross and yet some people beg to differ.

Its all about teamwork.

As much as you’d love to move on from one relationship to the next thinking that there’s always someone better, at some point you’d realize that for a relationship to work, it requires teamwork. Yes, you can be the one setting up your boundaries and criteria but do note that your partner could also be doing the same towards you.

Ultimately, for a relationship to work out, its a game of give and take.

That’s when compromise comes into play. There’s no winners or losers in a relationship. You’re supposed to work as a team. I’m still working on that so… I suppose I’m still learning too.
With that, fingers crossed you find a sheep (or in this case, a llama) that makes you happy as much as you make her.