Adulting.

You know how when you were a kid, you wanted to grow up and get the fuck out of the house?

Now I just wanna go back to school and simply keep studying in perpetuity. Call me a nerd but I really miss schooling. Not Uni but maybe like Secondary or JC days. The only thing I had to focus on was getting the As and nothing else. I didn’t have to worry about paying my fucking bills, saving for my future and definitely not whether I could even afford a fucking house.

Sure, staying with my parents sucks mainly because they nag A LOT. They can’t wait for me to fuck off so that they can sell their house and earn some rental income but at least during those days when I was still schooling, I didn’t need to think about my future and it was comforting to know that everything was still gonna be alright.

Sometimes, I do miss studying simply because there were so many school breaks and I could simply jet off somewhere anytime.

Sure, I had to earn my own extra money on the side to afford it but it was well worth it. But ever since I started this adulting bullshit, I barely have

• Time. WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU DO WITH 14 DAYS OF LEAVE FOR FUCKS SAKE? Welcome to the corporate world. And here I am, wanting to go for a Europe backpack trip for 6 months. Yeah I’m planning to quit my job and do this trip but let’s be honest, once my career LEGITLY stabilizes, HOW DAFUQ AM I GONNA HAVE SUCH LONG TRIPS?! Mind you, when you have to start paying for your mortgage, you need to have a monthly contribution to your CPF aka A STABLE INCOME. Explain to me how dafuq can you have stable income if you want to have long trips every now and then? Either I somehow start learning how to print money or else I basically have to save all my leave for trips like every other soulless corporate being/machine.

• Money. APPARENTLY, YOU NEED TO SAVE MONEY FOR A HOUSE, A WEDDING AND SOME OTHER BULLSHT. Wow I mean I always knew I was going to get a job and afford things that I’ve always wanted (things my parents didn’t want to get for me) but hold up, you’re telling me that I have to pay for a house and it’s not like a simple 30K but rather like a good 6 FIGURE OF AT LEAST 300K. Jesus. It’s not like I have some high paying job for fucks sake. Sure, I can scrimp and save but let’s be real, I probably need to save quite a significant amount before I can even remotely consider flying anywhere. Some bugger will prolly come to me and say that’s why you have your CPF to pay for all these but honey, debt is still debt. I can use my CPF to pay for the house but if I want some place better with a higher price tag, I still have to fork out CASH TQVM Remember I have meager income? YEAH TOTALLY NO PRESSURE.

Its almost like a tight slap to reality that you have to give up some and give up MORE when you grow up.

You start to realize how money is so important, never mind paying off for your bills, your house and your wedding, somehow if you plan to have kids, you have to be able to AFFORD HAVING KIDS. I mean sure, at some point I could probably afford kids but do I want to though?

Also, you know how I’m a self-centered soulless being, so the thing is when you start working, you sort of have to give money to your parents and stuff like that. I don’t. Not that I take things for granted but honestly, I have bigger problems right now and I’m pretty sure my mum would understand that. Besides, she’s still working and has a stable income (and maybe once my life is settled) I’ll give her an allowance only when I’m ready. Call me unfilial for putting myself first but whatever man I think she would much rather I do things this way. My mum always said she doesn’t want to depend on us when she is old so they have a retirement house in the works so that takes some of the pressure off.

Just when I thought I dodged a bullet, I realized that when you get married, you sort of become entangled in your in-laws’s retirement plan as well.

I mean they are really nice to me and all but since bub is the eldest son, they sort of have an expectation that he has to support them for their retirement. Not that he doesn’t want to but I kind of wished we didn’t have to live with them at all. I mean we will get to live together (just the 2 of us) for a couple of years but at some point, it seems like we will be living with the in-laws since they will be lonely and he doesn’t want to let them feel that way and he’s stubbornly filial (unlike me). Currently, I’m still stuck in a limbo about this but I don’t think I have much of a say in this and besides, I don’t mind having them around even though I really prefer to have my own space.

My point is, starting from ground zero really sucks.

Now I understand why people envy those born with a silver spoon in their mouth. They’d probably didn’t have to fret about these nitty gritty details. I’m slowly realizing the importance of money. Perhaps its me showing signs of being spoilt hmm. I’m really trying my best to work things out here but I really really really hate adulting.

As much as there is more freedom in owning your own home, I’m find myself sinking deeper into this endless cycle of commitments and it gets kind of hard to breathe sometimes.

Sometimes I get panic attacks from all that is going on and bub says I should just not get involved in all these ‘planning for the future’ stuff but me being a realistic person, I still want to be in the loop about the financial commitments we are embroiled in despite the overwhelmingness of it all. I guess on the bright side, I’m not doing this alone so I take some respite in that.

So tell me, am I the only one feeling this way?