Sandcastles.

Why do cheaters exist? Why do they betray the ones they love over a moment’s impulse?

Maybe they found something they lacked in their current relationship/marriage. Was it worth it?

Relationships. It’s like building a sandcastle.

Throughout your life, you are molding yourself into the person you want to be, building your own sandcastle of personality. Similarly in a relationship, you’re not just building your own sandcastle anymore but rather you are also helping your partner mold his/her sandcastle as well. In fact, as both of you work on your own sandcastles, you are also building your relationship’s sandcastle. As the relationship progresses, your sandcastles continues to evolve and become bigger and hopefully stronger.

We live our lives in phases.

The person you’re with or married may not still be the same person ten or twenty years down the road. Just like how our sandcastles keeps growing, we will in one way or another, change somehow. What doesn’t change is the core. The core foundation your castle was built on. So trust me when I say look closely at the materials you work with when you’re building your sandcastle because it really does matter in the long run. 

I’ve had relatives getting a divorce after almost a decade of marriage and it blew my mind because I never saw it coming. The kids from their ex-marriages are the true victims. Are they? Would you want to see your parents stay together just so you have a complete family? I’m not sure. But I gotta say, times are definitely changing. My aunt initiated the divorce when my uncle cheated and they’re better off without him I suppose. Could she have stayed? Yes, but fact is she wouldn’t be happy at all.

Think about this way, when someone in a relationship strays, he/she probably think this third party would be a much better fit to their personality. But a moment of impulse can easily wreck the sandcastles that they took so long to build, resulting in them rebuilding their sandcastles all over again. On one hand, perhaps they new party could be a much better fit in their lives but to throw away many years of hardwork forming their relationship? Well, some may say that that’s quite impulsive and quite a waste.

Albeit controversial, it’s also a brave thing to do. 

At some point these people felt that their relationship is no longer bringing the happiness they wanted and if leaving them brings them a sense of relief, do it. Fuck what other people think. Life’s too short to be unhappy. It’s true that they will hurt others in the process but they made their bed so they simply have to lie on it. Make peace with your decision and live with it. There’s no right answer. Live your truth.

While we’re on the topic of building your personality, I honestly think people who acknowledge that they are not suited to be parents yet (at all) and choose not to have children yet (at all) takes a different kind of maturity. It’s easy to say, “Hey, let’s have child and try our luck see how it goes”, but it takes even more maturity to simply say “No, we’re not ready to be parents, let’s fix ourselves before we embark on this endeavor”.

Fix yourself first.

I truly believe that if you don’t heal and fix yourself from your past, history will only repeat itself. It’s not a option, it’s mandatory. Don’t jeopardize your child’s future if you don’t even love yourself. As Rupaul always say, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else?”. The vicious cycle will only continue if ceterus peribus no?

On the flip side, I get very triggered by entitled parents. Talk about qualities you should not aspire to have. Some parents behave as though just because you have children, the world owes you a living and you require some sort of special treatment. Like how certain people expects the government to assist them with aids to raise their child (child benefits etc). Slow down honey, the government encourages you to have children but it doesn’t mean it’s the government’s responsibility to raise yours.

It will be so much easier if the message was “If you are a piece of shit, kindly refrain from having kids. Thank you” Oops.

Until next time

D