Isn’t it kind of absurd that you need to register and get married to proof that you are committed to someone?
So, if you don’t get married, does that mean you’re not committed to each other? What’s the point of getting married really? The concept of marriage itself is kind of amusing to me. I’d have to admit that I may be slightly biased because of how I was raised. So fair warning. Let’s take gunshot marriages for example (since it seems to be all the rage nowadays). Why is it the first course of action always to get married?
Doesn’t that equate to getting married with the sole reason to take responsibility for the child? If that’s the case, why do you need a marriage certificate to take responsibility?
If you observe closely, in such cases, getting married is actually for the benefit of the people around you. So your parents can say you’re their son-in-law, so your child’s teacher can address you as the dad and so on. It’s a formality. It’s not so much related to your commitment to your partner at all. Your “marriage” would simply revolve around the future of your child because that’s the supposed right thing to do.
So the question is, are you committed to your marriage simply because of your child?
If it’s not, great. You found true love (I guess). But if it is, are you sure you want to get married? Raising a child is like doing a group project. Yes, it’s a really long project that takes about 20+ years to complete. After which, when the kid reaches adulthood, the project reaches autopilot mode and you don’t really have to do much anymore. So after a good 20 years, once the kids leave the nest, do you stop and ask yourself if you want to continue this marriage of yours? Typically, the answer would be yes, since you stuck by this person for 20 years and you raised a child together, you’d think “why not?”.
But what if your partner does not feel the same way and decides to get a divorce? Is it wrong for he/she to do so?
Ultimately, their commitment to the marriage has an expiry date and this expiry date happens to coincide when the kids leave the nest. We can’t fault them because their intention of getting married was solely for the benefit of their children in the first place. It was never about their level of commitment to you.
Contrary to popular opinion, I think it’s perfectly fine if they don’t get married but share the responsibility of being the child’s parents. You don’t need to get married to show the level of commitment you have for your child. To get married is just simply a facade to make yourself look good in front of others. But what for? If the foundation of your marriage does not equate to level of commitment to your partner but rather a sense of responsibility, I’d reckon you are better off not getting married.
Gunshot marriages aside, let’s talk Singapore. In Singapore, you have to get married (i e proof of marriage certificate) to get a house/flat (BTO). So, most young couples’ rite of passage would be to ballot for a flat, wait for 3-4 years and get married within that period so that they can get their flat. Admittedly, it is indeed a well thought out system. Literally, the government is enforcing us to get married if we want to move out from our parent’s. This rite of passage is quite common because the flats in Singapore are very expensive and in order to bid for the newer cheaper ones, you have to yes, get married so that you enjoy the lower price point.
“What if I don’t want to be married?”
Well, either make sure you earn a lot of money to afford a private estate on your own (no restrictions as to whether you have to get married or not) OR wait till you shrivel up at the age of 35 and buy public flat on your own. There, welcome to Singapore.
That said, I literally almost had to go through with that because my BTO was supposed to be due next year 2022. Imagine my dread when the idea that I’d have to get married to collect my flat. What’s the point of getting married you asked? To get my own roof over my head that’s what. Latest life update, we gave the flat up due to some changes in plans and I’m actually… relieved by it. It’s not because I’m reluctant to get married but rather I feel that it’s too fast too soon and honestly this policy in place doesn’t help either. It literally kills the idea of love (if love exists of course). It’s no longer “Would you marry me?” but rather “Let’s get married so we can get the house together”. Wow romantic much. I’m a hopeless romantic so this gesture of making a proposal just because? No bueno.
Marriage is pointless actually.
You get a piece of paper that declares you are husband and wife and that’s basically it. Whether it determines the level of commitment you have or not, it’s not written there on that piece of paper, only you will know it in your heart. But yes, still get married (cause the government wants you to) but know full well that your story doesn’t stop once you get married. The ending to your story is something that only time will tell so…thread carefully.
D
theniecextn. 
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