I Resigned.

Fuck this shit. I need a break. I deserve better. I’m out.

I resigned from my job for the very first time (worked here for close to 2 years) and it was simply…liberating yet confusing…? I’ve been wanting to leave for some time now and now that it finally happened (for real this time), I’m still in a limbo about how I feel. Fun fact: I immediately sent my resignation letter the moment I knew I got the job offer I wanted. No hesitation there.

Upon receiving my resignation letter, my boss texted me to try and keep me and it made me feel bad.

His exact words were, “Is there anything I can do?” “Is it because of your salary?” “I would like to offer you $X as an appreciation for your help but if you choose to leave, we will accept your resignation”

I could probably harp on the fact that he shortchanged me when he tried to retain me the first time but I could tell he low key wanted me to stay when he tried to up his counter offer this time. Interesting. Perhaps that was the right thing for him to do but I wouldn’t know.

Funny thing is, after having that conversation with my boss, it made me realize I may have misjudged him initially for doing things the way he did.

Someone once told me that being in-charge is not an easy job, it simply means you have to make the toughest or sometimes even inhumane decisions. Well, that’s exactly it. Granted, I wasn’t part of the collateral damage but I sympathize those who were sacrificed in the midst of these decisions. What makes me sick is when companies harp on the fact that these are challenging times cause #COVID and they had to do what they did. Sure, you can do that. But do it properly, in the right way, not fucking shortchanging those who have no power to fight back. Nevertheless, this entire experience has been a roller coaster ride which I’m glad I got out of.

If there’s anything I learnt from this experience, it’s that the work environment plays a major factor to your employees’ mental health.

I’d say I’m glad I went through this to become a stronger and better person but would I wish this on anyone? No. There are definitely pros and I honestly did a pretty good job in my role but… I can’t help but feel for others who get berated because are not performing up to ‘certain’ expectations. Is that empathy I’m feeling? God damn.

Also, can I just say that my time here has taught me a lot of supposedly ‘useful’ stuff.

Like how to ‘cover your ass’, or ‘act blur live longer’ or second guessing why some words were used in a certain way. I don’t get it either. I never wanted to be this kind of person but apparently you need to do that to survive so there’s that. It’s a good skill to have I suppose so I’ll just take that as an optional experience I didn’t want to learn.

Don’t get me wrong, I learnt these ‘useful’ skills but 80% of the time I still do things like speak my mind because 1) I need to be true to myself and 2) I honestly have no motives or intentions when I do things, it’s just so I get things done. Maybe that’s what my boss appreciates about me even.

This experience definitely made me step out of my comfort zone and made me uncomfortable even.

Let’s just say I have a very strong sense of integrity and some lines were crossed but I couldn’t do anything about it because I needed a job. Little things like do I support eating Shark’s Fin? Or should you con your vendor’s money? Absolutely not and yet…I’m here. Amusing.

People really does makes all the difference.

During my stint here, I met some amazing people and formed some great friendships which I’m really thankful for. If these people weren’t around, I probably would have left a long long long time ago.

The thing is, when I received the counter offer, I could have stayed but I chose not to.

I did that for the sake of my mental health and for my career progression. I actually contemplated if I should stay just so I can get a higher title then move onto another company with this ‘high’ title. But the truth is, I would just be getting a higher salary but doing the same things which kind of defeats the purpose of value adding my skills for career progression. That’s how I came to the conclusion to leave.

To put a cherry on top, my boss did say, “If you change your mind, we will welcome you back anytime”. That’s really…nice. I don’t deserve that (I think). But yes, I found closure on a positive note, that’s always a good thing right. No burnt bridges there.

Just for memories sake, I’m going to leave this here:

Either way, I’m glad I can finally close this fateful chapter and move onwards to greater (and healthier) things.

P.S Make a guess, where’s my next destination? *Hint: Delighting you always.

Till next time,

D