Growth.

Where do you get your confidence from?

Google says it’s from within. What about from the people around you? I think it helps too.

Maybe if you were raised with parents who empower you, you’d have a decent level of confidence. But what if you only have people who tear you down? Naturally, you’d be filled with self-doubt and yes, also lack confidence.

Maybe it’s more common in Asian households but most of the time, you tend to receive criticisms more than compliments.

Maybe because it’s just easier to be nasty or maybe they have absurdly high standards before they can choke out compliments from their mouths.

It has even come to my attention that whenever I receive compliments, I simply shrug them off.

I reckon it’s because I’m cynical about the genuinety of their words since I’ve always been accustomed to lukewarm backhanded insults from people close to me. Until I met strangers (who perhaps may have an ulterior motive to play in my good side *ahem*) who started showering me with compliments. I should be cynical but the compliments have been rather similar so it’s been really pleasant for me, almost like a breath of fresh air.

What kind of world have I been living in? Hell perhaps.

I judge myself harshly partly because no one around me elevates me to be confident. Luckily, I’m pretty good at being my own cheerleader so it’s alright. I can probably go down the rabbit hole of why you should choose the people you want to be around who elevates you but I shall not do that. Not everyone is blessed like that and it’s okay.

I saw mother’s plant leaning towards the window sill the other day and had a random epiphany.

You know how plants needs sunlight and there isn’t any indoors so it grew towards the window to get sun instead?

This works the same for people. If the environment you are born in does not have the nutrients you need to grow, you will eventually lean out and look for it elsewhere.

You look for people who elevate you, who help you grow as a person outside your family. This applies for both relationships too. If you lack the attention you require from your partner, perhaps that’s when some people choose to look outwards for attention from others instead (sometimes I guess). The underlying presumption here is that, you are self-aware of what you lack and that’s when you start looking for it in (hopefully) the right places.

Either way, the end result? You will grow and eventually mould yourself to become who you are meant to be, no matter what.

So be patient, it will all work out one day.

D