Sayonara.

So the wake ended yesterday. And it’s rather…interesting.

I’m a free thinker, not a buddhist. But well, it’s the last act of the circus so here goes nothing.

Body Collection (12/10/2022)

Let’s start with the body collection. So first up, we have to go to SGH Block 9 (Mortuary) to collect the body which will then be handed to the undertaker to do the embalming before returning it to the wake venue. This takes about 2-3 hours normally but clearly ours isn’t a normal situation so it took us a while (3 fking hours) before we could see the body. We confirmed it was the right body (very important) and proceeded back to prep for the wake.

Actual Wake

Over the span of 3 days (basic budddhist package), we had quite a few surprising appearances from relatives we have never seen before in our lives. Kinda funny, innit?

Did I mention Gramps was overreacting a little too. Getting L to get red paper to cover up the altars, taking out the battery from the clocks and taking down any photographs on display in the house. Buddhist things.

Nevermind that, S’s secondary school tutor, vice principle and even his principle came by to send their condolences as well. I think even though they didn’t appear at the wake, S’s friends are worried sick about him too. One of our ex-neighbours came and gave us money for S’s lawsuit. She told mother to inform S that they understand why S would do that but they cannot accept it as proper behaviour. Mother was on the brink of tears hearing this tbh.

Thankfully, L had his tight knitted group of friends to accompany him as he spent the night at the wake to keep watch. Supposedly, you can’t leave the wake unattended at night because they are afraid of black cats entering the premises and also we are not supposed to let the incense stop burning (buddhist things).

I got a couple of wreaths from my company and my friends whereas L’s friends gave money instead. Geez. But luckily enough for the wreaths though, else there isn’t enough flowers to put on top of the coffin. That would be a little sad. Either way on the last day for the final send off, we did it early in the morning at 835am.

Did you know that the wife doesn’t have to do the send off for the deceased if you’re Buddhist?

F the patriachy. Just kidding. Apparently, it’s because they are “equal” in status as husband and wife so the wife doesn’t need to go for the final send off, only those “younger” like the deceased children/grandchildren. Nevertheless, mother cried her eyes out during the last part when we had to “push” the van out from the carpark area. This sight broke my heart if I’m perfectly honest. Throughout the wake, whenever I see mother cry, I kind of die a little inside. Sigh.

Final send off (Cremation)

Me, L and a couple of mother’s siblings went onboard the bus headed for the cremation venue. Tbh it was kind of underwhelming. We saw the coffin move on the travellator towards the incinerator and then the gates shutting down on the coffin is all. Ouh. We were told to collect the ashes about 2 hours later so we did.

Sea Burial

Collected the ashes and went into a little room to transfer the remains into a red cloth. Had a mini science lesson on the which fragment belongs to which part of the body. It was shared to us that smokers or cancer patients tend to have black patches on the bone fragments. Ahh no wonder, explains the black patches on the remains. Transported the remains to Changi Ferry Terminal for the sea burial. Yes, sea burial. Don’t worry, he can swim(:

L commented that even when he’s dead, he’s still smoking in our car. DED.

Took a little boat ride out with the monk we hired and we stopped in the middle of the sea to proceed with the procession.

FYI the monk’s phone started ringing amidst the procession. How unprofessional HAHAHA. Either way, we said our goodbyes and the ashes were dropped into the sea. On a completely random note, L dropped a pin on the location which was super random LOL.

Recording statements

Fast forward to today, we went to the police station to give our official statements. And damn was it a rollercoaster ride of emotions to dig up all the bad memories I wanted to bury so bad. Even the police man felt bad for us. Mother says she cannot remember any of the past incidents which happened to us as kids because she was mostly absent from our lives as she was busy working.

Ngl I felt a little sad because no child should have to undergo what we did with no one they can reach out to for help. There were good times of course but do you use that to discount the endless bad things that happened to us? It’s alright though, I’ve moved on and we all grew up.

Mother was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

She had no choice because he literally has no where and no one to go to. She’s too kind. He failed his role to me as a parent but as for whether he was a good husband, I think only mother has the answer to that.

Don’t you think it’s kind of sad that there might be families like mine suffering in similar situations?

Because we are taught to avoid conflict, we just suffer in silence until one day we can finally move the fk out away from the toxicity? And even then, we take a long time to heal from all the traumas we have endured over the years…just to finally be alright. I wished somebody saved me. I wished things were different.

I’ve told the police everything I know and I guess what’s left is to have faith in the system. Now it is still in the infancy stage of the investigation so there isn’t much to do except just wait. Until then, I guess we’ll just be hopeful. We have to be I suppose. Sigh.

We’ll just wait out the case and see what’s the outcome. Fingers crossed. Sigh.

D