Progress.

What if I told you that nobody really cares about you? You’re not really that important.

Maybe at some point you might think otherwise but honestly you’re not. Everyone has their own lives to go about and you are no different. Sometimes a couple of people do check in on you to see if you’re well, but that’s about all. The gist of it all perhaps is to not take things to seriously in life.

Fact of the matter is, life happens. There’s someone dying out there every day, tragedies happen all the time but good things do happen too. We just need to embrace it and move on instead of letting it tie us down.

Maybe just maybe, things might not be as bad we think.

Personally, the cynic in me does consider the worst-case scenario but there’s honestly nothing I can do about it. We are all waiting for the final result of S’s charges, hopefully the prosecutor will share with us the outcome soon but these past few months have been…alright. Mum’s been…drinking a rather questionable amount of wine recently and she justifies that it helps her sleep but we all know she is still in a limbo. Ngl her words and actions affect me a lot, a snide comment from her can ruin my entire week which…is quite annoying to say the least. But I try to get over it, she doesn’t mean harm of course.

As for myself, I did drop a visit to IMH (Institute of Mental Health) a couple of weeks back for a diagnosis and unsurprisingly, the psychologist shared that some of my symptoms are signs of depression (eg. periods of low moods). Also, she recommended me to get therapy and prescribed some anti-depressants.

Let’s side track a little because my first trip to IMH was rather interesting. During the registration, one of their staff asked me, “Did you have any thoughts of killing yourself today?”. I almost choked. Well the answer is no of course. But I do get that this is part of their protocol though. Either way, the consultation went pretty smoothly, she was really friendly and at some point she asked me, and I could even use my Medisave to pay for the consultation and simply had to top up an additional 10 bucks for the meds.

Back to the main point, I decided to stop taking the meds because they were giving me insomnia. As for the therapy, I don’t necessarily think I want to proceed with that either. My main agenda of going to see the psychologist is to find out the state of my mental health from an expert and I got the answer I wanted so I can make peace with that. Honestly, she did tell me that I’m managing pretty well so I ain’t too worried tbh.

Some bad news though, I failed my RES exam which I did saw that coming. Nevertheless, I will continue to try because I’m not a quitter (I think). Oh and my Instagram got banned, that’s kind of a first too. “What are the signs that your mental health is crippling you?” “So my Instagram got banned possibly due to the inappropriate nature of my posts so…” but it’s okay, social media is not my entire life. I just needed a platform to share my creativity(: Either way I did open another Instagram account @theniecextn_ to replace the banned one so all is well.

Now for the good news, I will be going to Bangkok and Japan in a couple of months to celebrate my birthday so that’s nice. I vaguely remember just sleeping off my day last year on my birthday but this year I saw be soaking in my personal onsen facing Mt Fuji. Cue me eating grass for the next few months HAHAHA

Life has toned down a little compared to last year which is great. That’s about all, the next post would probably be my time in Bangkok/Japan. I should really try making some food vlogs in Bangkok when I café hop there? I’ll give that a try.
Until the next, take cares.
D