Tortoise.

29 is a weird feeling. I feel so much and yet so little at the same time. Is that why they say life is about…suffering? Can you…tell?

From a very young age, I’ve always wondered, “Why am I…here?” “Why did you bring me here to suffer?”

I know these are dangerous thoughts but everyday I struggle to fight these thoughts and it’s hard. I don’t want to be here at all. Studying don’t bring me joy. Working don’t bring me joy. I travel to escape and seek some form of refuge from my reality. That’s how I cope. Sometimes, I think to myself if I were to bring a child into this world; do I want them here to suffer too? Do I play this kind of sick joke on them? I don’t think so. If I can actively make a decision, I would rather just suffer on my own.

Then I think, “Do I need to get married? Do I need to seek a partner to complete my life?”

It’s nice to be taken care of but I don’t want to take care of anything. You see how the scale is gonna tip? I know some people will say you should LEARN but honestly, why? Why must you make everything a learning lesson? Do you have to jump the cliff to know that you will die? Do you get married to know that it’s just a scam? I suppose it does build more character but do you really wanna do that? What if you can just …SLOWLY DIE. You know, live your best life alone and just slowly die. That would be really nice. Yes, I’m very aware that I’m a very selfish person and I’m not sorry about it at all. I protect my peace at all costs and I think that’s all that matters for me.