There are so many people who go around sharing things like “advice I wished someone told me when I was younger” but actually, I wouldn’t have any advice for my younger self other than the fact that,
Everything happens for a reason.
I used to wonder why do bad people never get caught but somehow in one way another… they do, in due time. Just be patient my dear. Ngl it was still a very dark period of my life but since then things have became much better. As my 20s come to an end, these are some things I did that I’m pretty proud of myself for.
1. Travel and see the world.
I started travelling since uni since I was earning some money from tutoring kids and I’ve never stopped travelling since. Even though I gotta admit that travelling was part of my therapy to run away from my reality at home, I felt more seen and at peace when I was in an unknown place where no one knew who I am and I can be whoever I want. It’s liberating somehow.
My personal goal was to start travelling to Europe once a year in my 30s and so far I have been there twice hehe I spent my 20s travelling in South-East Asian countries which was more budget friendly for sure but since I’ve started earning a little more, I can travel slightly further and experience how Europeans live. It’s definitely drastically different from Asia but I do appreciate their slow pace of life there much more though.
My boss once said, “Do one thing that challenges you everyday.” So I reditioned it into doing something that challenges me every year. And wala. This year I travelled solo to Turkey and it was such a breath of fresh air since I’ve always been afraid of being alone for the longest time. In my 30s, I’m definitely going to continue working towards this goal of travelling to Europe once a year (:
2. Invest your money.
I don’t necessarily earn a lot from my job but I’m glad Covid 19 happened which kickstarted my investing journey. I tend not to talk much about finances because of how my Dad used to always yap at how much of a loser I am for being an employee but uh that’s in the past. Well, I’m still am an employee hahaha but I do invest and it has really made a drastic difference in my outlook in life. Like I can actually forecast a possibility of retiring at some point in my life if I consistently keep doing this. In an ideal scenario, I don’t have any kids and honestly I’m good with being a rich aunt at some point.
Side note, is that what rich people do? Think about having kids when they get rich since they can afford them? I haven’t reached that stage and I pray that I don’t ever because I really don’t wish to sacrifice my comfort for another human being. Besides, living is suffering, why would I wish that upon my kid? Yes, you may argue that I’m a pessimist but no one can promise the future and the world will be kind so why take that chance? So yes, even if you don’t plan to have kids, still plan ahead for your future yeah?
I’m proud to achieve some of the financial milestones I have set for myself at the age of 30 and I actually have to thank my ex for that since we invested in a condominium and I reaped some money from the sale of it (not much but it is still money). So that’s that. Oh, I recently even started learning how to trade options that’s actually something I’ve been curious about and to finally muster up the courage to do it is actually quite a feat for me ngl.
3. Learn to love yourself more.
I’ve always wondered why dafuq my mother hates herself to choose such a husband for herself. Then I realized, I did the same with ex at some point my life. Ah, so that’s why.
Luckily for me, I mustered up the courage and dodged a bullet else I might actually be married right now in a toxic and abusive marriage. Maybe that’s how generational curses are broken? It’s been almost 3 years and as each day passes, I get more confident that I did the right thing….for me.
Time really tells yknow. There’s no instruction manual out there that says you absolutely have to get married so honestly take your time to find the right person. And god forbid, you can’t find someone, it’s perfectly alright too. We came into this earth alone, it is only right that we all die alone as well. Sure, they can accompany you but cmon, you’ll die alone eventually. They just make the ride less boring and lonely is all. Learn to be happy on your own that’s the best thing you can do for yourself 🙂
4. Bad times don’t last, hang in there.
The toughest ordeal in my 20s would originally be my toxic job in F&B but damn jesus had other plans and decided to send my brother to prison so there’s that. I had such a terrible meltdown in my toxic job that I literally started crying in the bathroom during working hours because of how bad my mental health was. I’m glad I managed to switch jobs and work in a better company now.
Sure, it’s a boring job but I wouldn’t give it up for anything else. It really made me relook the importance of mental health and how it shapes a person’s character. Ngl it did teach me a lot about who I am and the values which I uphold the most so it is not without it’s merits. As for my brother’s case, no one could have saw it coming although I would like to correct that I did see it coming cause I’m such a smart a$$ HAHAHA
I don’t think anyone could comprehend the darkness that resides within me since young and the amount of tormoil I faced internally as a kid to watch everything unfold into the way it is today.
I’m not religious but like I said, “there’s always karma for everything you do :)” Unfortunately, there’s a price for everything so I suppose my brother has to pay his dues but hey, bad times don’t last.
2023 was dark for me and I almost borderline wanted to give up. I don’t know how I managed to hang in there but I’m still here which is quite incredible honestly. Is that the elder daughter curse I’m hearing? HAHA Either way, I’ll just make sure that S enrols back to his school after he gets released and hopefully life doesn’t get too crazy cause sister can’t always be god’s strongest soldier man.
5. Don’t rush, we all die eventually.
A lot of people always tell you that your life here on earth is short, make the most of it. That doesn’t mean you have to follow their fixed format of how the standard Singaporean life should be.
I think instead of doing things blindly, you should be asking yourself why are you doing this for? Does this make you happy? Don’t do thing out of sheer peer pressure because sure you did that but at what cost? There’s always a price for everything and only fools would believe otherwise.
I set little milestones for myself like travelling with my mother once a year because ideally if she lives till 80 I have about 30 more trips with her before she dies one day. So far, I’ve achieved these goal I’ve set for myself.
I know it’s a little eerie to think about it this way but that’s the fact of life. You either plan for it or life will plan it for you.
6. It’s just a job.
Maybe it’s just me but after that entire shtshow with my F&B job, I’ve come to realise that everyone really is indispensible so you don’t really need to tie your identity to your job. Have hobbies and do things that make you happy outside of your job that brings you more fulfillment. I know I may seem like I hate my job but I do appreciate the fact that it gives me the finances to pursue my hobbies and travels as and when I like.
I remember having a chat with my girls and somehow I realised that work life balance is priceless. You can chase for the highest earning job and have a picture perfect family but at what cost? Perhaps it’s just the overthinker in me but I think having a strong career woman as my mother has shaped me into who I am today as well, for the good and for the bad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud of my mother’s achievements and no human being is perfect but it’s just my priviledged self speaking I guess.
So career wise, I don’t have any milestones other than the fact that it pays my bills and gives me the financial freedom to travel and do things I love. Cmon man I’ve literally been in the workforce for almost 6 years that’s insane I swear. And the fact that I still tutor kids and remember my secondary mathematics holy cow I deserve a prize right HAHAHA 🙂
Conclusion
That’s basically my 20s summed up in 6 key lessons for career, finances, relationships and life. 30s may seem daunting for some but honestly if you have a solid plan of sorts, you will be alright.
I honestly don’t need much because it may not seem like it but the illness that resides me is incurable, like my therapist said, “I just manage it better than most people”. So cheers to turning 30, let’s manifest together it will be much better than our 20s ya!!
“Life is unpredictable, you can die anytime so just honestly do things that makes you happy. And if someone or something does otherwise, cut them out or wait for jesus to cut them out 🙂 – 29 year old Denis”
Lots of love,
D
theniecextn. 
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