Piggybank Talks.

“Mum, why didn’t I have a piggy bank like the other kids when I was younger? Maybe that’s why I don’t have the habit of saving.”

“Well, there was no need to have a piggy bank because you barely have enough for yourself”

Then it occurred to me, sometimes I blame my parents for not inculcating certain values in me when I was younger but then I’ve come to realize that it’s not their fault what you have become, it’s ultimately your choice.

I didn’t realize that when I was younger, my mum was barely making ends meet and she gave us everything we wanted. Maybe that’s why she wanted the best for us and didn’t focus on asking us to save like what the other kids did. Funnily enough, out of the 3 of us; I can’t save for nuts, Luk often overspends and Syles, he doesn’t spend anything for god’s sake. Yup, mama got the three extreme variations of kids.

A talk about saving led to my overspending on Grab and mostly my travels really. But then again, my parents told me to only buy stuff for myself when I can earn my own money so…no faults on that. I did travel with my own money. A talk on saving lead to one thing and another and we ended up talking about…the future. Yes. The all-so-dreadful topic.

21 years later, I’m starting to worry about almost everything. It’s self-imposed, really. Strangely enough, I have the tendency to stress myself out and maybe that’s why I’m constantly wanting to run away.

As I think about the responsibilities I have to take on in future, I dread growing up somehow. There’s too much too deal. Really. To find a job. To buy a flat. To have kids wtf? I’m not ready to deal with all that…and I’m really overly stressing myself with it sometimes. Travelling is my distraction I suppose. Mum never forced me to do anything, rather I set expectations of myself and eventually cause my own disappointment. A degree certification provides a life buoy for you when you are out in the working world. That’s why mama wanted me to complete my education really. The process of going to school is a phase for you to think about what you want to be. While everyone is getting scholarships (wtf), thinking of BTOing (wtf) and all… I’m just here.

“You don’t have to lead that life if you don’t want to. You can rent a flat instead. Or not have kids. Nobody is forcing you. It’s ultimately your life to lead.”

It recurred to me that yes, I’m not interested in working in a crappy job, getting married, BTOing a flat with your “supposed” spouse or having kids for that matter. These stereotypical paths don’t appeal to me at all and I guess I do really over think about these matters when they pop up in small talk with friends. I live in the moment a lot and I’m not sure whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Well, I wanted to die early anyway.

Time is running out and I need to figure out what I want to do in life. Soon.

“Our point of views change as we grow up, maybe in ten years’ time, we can talk about why I didn’t give you a piggy bank when you were younger.”

Sometimes I wonder what would I do without her. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s a growing up thing but I’m starting to treasure my family a little bit more every day. The talk with my mum today made me remember what really matters. As cliche as it sounds, family matters the most. I’m quite a stranger to that as strange as it may sound. As time passes, yes, they do age and the pessimist in me has time and time again reminded me that they will leave me one day. And I’m not ready for that.