Honest Dilemma.

Honesty can be a bitch sometimes. It’s true. On one hand, honesty is appreciated but on the other, there are repercussions. For instance, when you admitted you lied, it would be ingrained in their minds eternally. The next time you fuck things up, they’d assume you lied because you did it before.

Honesty clears the perpetrator’s conscience but it is permanent in the victim’s minds which is not necessarily a good thing. Sometimes by telling the truth, people penalize you more rather than consider the fact that you want to change and learn from your mistakes. That’s the paradox we call honesty.

Their doubts are well founded though. There is undoubtly a likelihood of you lying again and it stays that way; at the back of their minds, always reminding them. Unfortunately, you can’t change their mindsets…that’s the consequence of being honest. You can try to prove and convince them you are a different person but chances of them being fully convinced are rather slim.

I question the concept of honesty all the time, perhaps because I feel that filtering the truth actually protects them and saves me the trouble of explaining myself unnecessarily. It also eases their worries in a way because in some situations, ignorance is actually bliss. I don’t need their worries to add onto my plate when I have so much to deal with so sometimes I hide the truth from my parents especially. I guess I’m selfish that way. Lying, or rather a white lie, seems like the best solution sometimes.

Some people consider lying at any extent unjustifiable and I respect that. The irony is when people appreciate honesty knowing full well that sometimes the truth hurts and they might not be able to handle it but yet they demand honesty. It exacerbates the situation actually and I hold myself responsible for it. This run of events can deter me from telling the truth cause why do when you know what’s going to happen?

Oh honey, look what a mess we are in.

To be perfectly honest, I hate lying to people I care about so I tell the truth all the time and since they appreciate honesty, I’d continue to do so. But, this innate need to protect them from the truth sometimes gets my hands tied for obvious reasons. It’s a judgement call for every situation I suppose and that’s part of being human I guess.